Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
