Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
