Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we're making bets on your personal life
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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