i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
