You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
