My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
