i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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