hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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