We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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