A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
