I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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