No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
