Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
