Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
