Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Less talking, more tequila
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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