I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
