Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
