can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
