just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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