I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You ruined the universe
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
