Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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