I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I will pee on everything he values.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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