So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
