You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
