he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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