Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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