i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
