The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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