also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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