apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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