Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
