She's JV to your varsity
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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