There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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