there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
