That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
