I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
