Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
