nut hugger
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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