Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
