He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
