I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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