I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
