ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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