Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
