WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
