I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
