dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
