so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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