I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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