i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
