dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
