my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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