Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
