How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
